This Toilet's Giving Me Trouble!

I really/totally/absolutely need to go, but my toilet is being a pain in the butt/rear end/neck. It keeps acting up no matter how many times I push/press/slam the handle. {Is it haunted?|Did I do something wrong?|What could possibly be the problem? I've tried everything! Flushing multiple times Plunging Singing to it Nothing works. I'm startin

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